A fine balance
Holly Brooker from Parenting Place offers a parent’s gentle guide
to reining in screen time.
While there are real benefits to all those handy screens in our lives (connection with faraway loved ones, online grocery shopping and relatable parenting memes would be my top three), there are also down sides. When screen time isn’t balanced with the other things that make us happy humans (things like exercise, sleep, time outdoors and, most importantly, face-to-face connection), the benefits are overpowered by the negatives.
Recently, the annual Nib Insurance State of the Nation Parenting Survey, which canvasses the issues and concerns of parents around New Zealand, released more research results showing what parents are struggling with the most.
The results reveal that 70 percent of parents and caregivers are concerned about their kids’ tech use, with 24 percent revealing they are “extremely concerned”. However, two-thirds (66 percent) of us admit we rely on technology as a distraction for children. Easy babysitter, right?
Are we addicted?
What is interesting about this research is that parents admit lacking discipline when it comes to their own screen time and their inability to model healthy device use.
In fact, a whopping 50 percent of the parents surveyed said they themselves felt addicted to their devices. I’m sure most of us can relate. We are living and parenting in the thick of a digital era and can feel this constant push and pull as we use tech while also trying to maintain balance for our families.
The family hui
I’m a big fan of the “family reset”. There can be more buy-in when boundaries are discussed as a family (in a family meeting or hui), and there’s an opportunity for kids to identify the positives and negatives they see from device use and feel heard as they voice their opinions too. Be honest, share your own thoughts and concerns – it’s great to share how too much screen time affects us as adults as well.
If tech time has crept in as the default activity at your place, you might want to chat with your kids about ideas for offline things to do. Joining your child in these activities can help them transition back into the real world − whether it’s a board game together, a walk to the park to kick a ball, or doing something creative together.
Walk the talk
The thing is, kids learn by what they see more than what we say. So if we keep harping on about the dangers of screen time but are constantly on our phones ourselves, the message is murky.
I’ve found that turning notifications off, deleting social media apps and news apps with never-ending feeds, and even using grey scale has helped me rein in my screen use and makes my phone less enticing!
Putting limits in place
Limits are good. While we can’t live in a screen-free bubble, we can put boundaries in place around when, where and for how long our family can use devices. We can also have family limits around what content our kids are consuming.
Every whānau is different and parenting isn’t black and white. How much access to technology you want your kids to have is something you get to decide for your family, and limits might vary according to circumstances or change as your kids get older.
When we set limits, it can take a bit of work to stick to them and continually reinforce them. Patience and consistency are key here. Kids are wonderfully adaptable – they will adjust to the new framework and find fresh ways to spend their time. They’ll also benefit hugely from the developmental opportunities that time offline can bring.
Trust your own instincts, weigh up the pros and cons, and figure out where your family values lie, then set the limits you want for your family. And apply them to yourself, too.
Then, when all of that hard parenting work is done, sit down with a cuppa to enjoy that gripping show on Netflix you’re hooked on.