Hook, line and… stinker
The Hits weekday host Lauren Mabbett reveals the realities of single life in the Bay, and offers up a nifty hack for getting around the pram brigade on Mauao.
When I was a kid I thought by the time I was 25 I'd be a lawyer, own a house and be married with two children. I'm now 37, have none of those things, and still pretend my broccoli is a tree.
Yes, I've moved back to the Bay of Plenty for an awesome job, but alas, it is not the place to find a lad.
The majority of people in Tauranga seem to have moved here after getting all the singleness out of their system in other cities, and have now settled down to buy an overpriced house with their respective other.
Even though I know this, there'll still be the odd evening where I have a moment of weakness and open up Tinder to see what's out there. You know that feeling when you think you really want KFC but remember last time you ate it you hated yourself afterwards but you do it again anyway? That's me with Tinder.
I begin scrolling and feel any hope that was left inside me start fading. Guy with a fish. Oh, there's another one. More fish. Why so many fish? Guy holding a dead deer and a rifle. Another fish. Guy holding a fish in one hand and antlers in the other. Oh God, I feel like I've just eaten an entire Family Feast. Close the app.
It's incredibly hard to meet people nowadays; even though we are surrounded by them. How do you meet anyone? Gone are the days when you could walk up to someone in a bar and start a conversation (both social media and Covid are to blame for this). We now do pretty much everything, including meeting people, through our phones.
““You know that feeling when you think you really want KFC but remember last time you ate it you hated yourself afterwards but you do it again anyway? That’s me with Tinder.””
Last week I was at the Crown and Badger with a friend, and a guy tapped me on the shoulder. He was a pretty good-looking guy, about my age, and I thought "Wow! Here we go! This is it! Someone has the balls to approach another person in a bar!" He smiled and said, "Excuse me, you are sitting on my jacket."
Look, meeting a guy isn't the be all and end all of living in the Bay of Plenty. I'm loving the opportunity to be back where I grew up and indulge in our gorgeous part of Aotearoa. We've got some pretty cool spots here in the Bay, once you finally arrive at them after weaving your way through road cones and stop/go operations.
But seriously, we are a destination and I do feel lucky to live here. As cliche as it sounds, one of my favourite places would have to be the Mount on a sunny day; although I've had to come up with a wee hack for walking around the bottom of Mauao. It's not the widest track and many times I've been caught behind a gaggle of mums and their prams who take up the entire path. It's fine if you're coming from the opposite direction – they'll see you and move out of the way. But if you come up behind them you'll end up awkwardly waiting for an opportunity to pass. Unless you're a runner! They can hear runners because of the gravel. So here's my hack – I'll pick up a jog just before I get to them. It works, they'll hear you and move, although the only problem with this, especially if you're incredibly unfit like me, is you then have to keep running until you're out of sight, otherwise you just look like a weirdo who picked up a run just to get past them.
Did I mention overthinking everyday awkward social interactions could be the reason I'm still single?