Teens and screens: Finding the balance
Ellie Gwilliam from Parenting Place explains how parents can guide teens back to real-world connections when screen time dominates social interactions.
Technology offers us great ways to stay connected and maintain relationships. Our teens, amongst the first ‘born and bred’ digital natives, are experts at online connection − handy if we ‘older folk’ need tech support. But, how are their social skills playing out in real life?
Are our young people able to connect with others and build relationships in the offline world? Can they be social without the media? Will they ever actually talk to us again, instead of just sending a DM asking what’s for dinner?
If this concerns you, here are three things to consider as you encourage your teenager to put down their device and engage in some face-to-face interactions.
Try to remember what being a teenager is like.
The teenage years are defined by social awkwardness, feeling misunderstood and a desire to assert independence, all while still having to follow rules. So, it isn’t surprising that our teens can find interacting in-person difficult – especially when we insist on them doing so on our terms.
While you might think getting them to show off their ukelele skills at the staff Christmas party is a helpful way to face their social insecurities, it may just reinforce their beliefs that the online world is a much safer and more pleasant place to socialise. Instead, provide low-pressure opportunities for social interaction – perhaps with people familiar to them where they can choose to interact or just observe.
Ask for their suggestions and follow their lead.
The teenage brain thrives on connection with peers, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t like connecting with parents. While a teenager’s friends are very important to them, research tells us that the parental relationship remains a strong influence. Our teens want us to show them that we find them interesting, likeable and worthy of our time. One of the best ways to do this is by connecting through their interests and pursuits. This may mean trying to understand online gaming or wading through obscure reels, but it could also mean giving them a lift to the gaming store or skate park, shopping for snacks or trying testers at the makeup shop – all opportunities to develop real-life social skills without them realising!
Model good social skills.
Teenagers are experts at tuning out lectures. While our words may not matter much, teenagers always watch and learn from our actions. So, if we want our teens to get off their devices and use their real-life social skills, we must do the same.
Managing our own device use and getting out and about ourselves can give our teenagers the confidence to do so as well. Be a role model of good conversation and asking good questions. Show them how to treat others with respect and empathy. And even if you’re not that assertive in social situations, make the effort to go outside of your comfort zone and flex all the social muscles you have – after all, that’s what we’re asking our teenagers to do!
