Will Johnston

Will Johnston vows to keep it cool. It took some matrimonial mayhem to inspire Will to become a celebrant himself. Cringeworthy, cookie cutter nuptials? Awkward side eyes in the aisles? Not on his watch!

I pride myself on not being a boring old lady dressed in a curtain, adorned with some form of floral headdress, spouting love metaphors like I’m channelling Mr Darcy. 

Allow me to give you some context on this. I have three celebrants to thank (or blame, depending on how you look at it) for becoming a celebrant myself. They are the three who ran the weddings of mates of mine all over one memorable summer a few years back.

Culprit one, mid-ceremony, broke into prayer, followed sharply with a hymn – high-pitched and solo – at a wedding that the couple specifically requested be free of religion.

The second spent the entire ceremony calling the groom Max. His name is Matt. 

And the third opened the ceremony with the words, “Love is like a river…”. That’s where I tuned out. I couldn’t tell you a word of the rest of it. She also got in the car with the bride when she arrived and asked “if she was sure she wanted to go through with it.” Then said, “It’s not too late to back out”. Read the room, lady!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that there are many who haven’t been taken with the untraditional diatribe I spout as a celebrant. But I’ve never sung a hymn at an atheist wedding. 

On the contrary, we are living in the Bay of Plenty of exceptional celebrants. I’m constantly blown away by the great people who get into the wedding industry full stop, actually. And the vastly experienced vendors that have constantly evolved with ever-moving wedding trends. 

There is one concept that I have held as gospel over the years I’ve been a celebrant: It’s such an honour to be invited to marry a couple, you owe it to them to not make it like every other ceremony they’ve been to. You must do something different every ceremony.

I remember doing a ceremony in Rarotonga a few years ago for some friends and there was a celebrant there who had three ceremonies to choose from. As in you pick one, write your names at the top and the bottom and it was done. Literally the definition of ‘insert your name here’. Seems a shame for such an idyllic setting.

Speaking of idyllic settings, the BOP has had a hell of a time over the last few years when it comes to weddings. Imagine buying a wedding venue, getting it all up to scratch ready for the summer ahead and then all of a sudden, it’s a global pandemic, the borders are shut, no one is allowed to leave their regions and there’s a 10-person limit at weddings. I’d cancel it too! 

I have a couple I’m going to be celebrant for at the end of 2023. They were supposed to get married on the first day of the first lockdown a few years ago. They rebooked right as we all got locked down again. And then again when the regional palaver kicked in. So they’ve just rebooked for two years’ time… Surely?!

At the end of every season, I look back on the weddings I’ve been part of and the people I’ve met over that time. There’s always a sentiment I feel at that point. It’s different at the end of every season, much like every wedding is different. But this last season was really one of thankfulness. If nothing else, the weird Covid world we’ve inhabited the last few years has given us perspective on when to be thankful. 

If you’re going to have literally the most expensive party of your lives, you may as well start it with a few laughs. If you’re getting married sometime soon, make sure you tell the person you’re using as a celebrant that. Otherwise, you might get a hymn-signing, curtain-clad lady. Ain’t no one got time for that, especially when there’s an open bar waiting! 

@radiowill