Dodging dodgy content: A parent’s guide

Parenting Place educator Holly-Jean Brooker helps us navigate dangerous content across the vast digital landscape.

In today’s digital age, the internet is like the Wild West — full of fascinating discoveries but also some dangerous territories. Whether it’s explicit material, violent imagery or inappropriate language, dodgy encounters are almost inevitable.

So how can we equip young people to handle these encounters?

Set up good filtering
First things first, the internet is designed for adults. Start by installing really good filtering on all devices and wifi.

Engage in conversation
Begin by talking to your kids about the internet before they start using devices. Explain that while the internet is full of amazing resources and entertainment, it also has some content that can be disturbing or inappropriate. Reassure them that they can always come to you if they see something that makes them uncomfortable and it won’t be their fault. 

Many kids fear devices being confiscated so make it clear that your priority is to help them understand and process what they’ve seen, not to punish them or take away their devices. Creating a sense of trust and openness will make it easier for them to approach you when they need support.

Shush and listen

When your child wants to talk about something they’ve seen online, give them your full attention. It’s upsetting when we hear our kids have seen something dodgy, but try to stay calm and avoid jumping to conclusions or reacting with anger or fear.  Instead, be curious, ask open-ended questions to help them express their feelings and thoughts.

Your role is to be there for them, offering reassurance and guidance and empathy. 

Use real-life examples

Kids can relate better to conversations grounded in reality. Share age-appropriate examples of dodgy content they might encounter, such as inappropriate comments on social media or disturbing images in a game. Ask them questions, like ‘What would you do if you saw something upsetting that made you feel weird’? And ‘Why do you think people might create or share this content’? Reassure them it’s okay to feel confused or upset by it.

Discussing real-life examples helps demystify the concept of dodgy content and gives kids the tools to identify and respond to it appropriately.

Set clear boundaries

Establishing guidelines for device use can help mitigate exposure to inappropriate content. Set time limits with parental controls and keep devices in shared family spaces to monitor what your child is accessing. Remember that no filter or rule can completely block out all dodgy content.

Focus on building self-control and good judgment, as these are the best tools your child can have in navigating the digital world. Reinforce that your door is always open for discussions about anything they find online.

Reaffirm your support

Above all, make sure your child knows you’re there for them, no matter what. Reaffirm your support and trust regularly, and remind them that they can talk to you about anything, whether it’s something they’ve seen online or a question about their favourite movie.

By keeping the lines of communication open, you help your child develop resilience and confidence in handling whatever they encounter online. Together, you can navigate the challenges of the digital age with understanding and support. 

parentingplace.nz

Surviving or thriving

The Parenting Place’s Holly-Jean Brooker gives tips for getting through the
busy-ness of the school year.

After any school holidays, shifting head space from pyjama days to lunchboxes, homework, and after-school activities can be quite the brain reset, and it’s easy to throw ourselves neck-deep in after-school commitments and unintentionally overload everyone.

I always have good intentions about slowing down the pace and committing to less, but I’m not always the best at implementation. And when I’m over-stretched, I’m not thriving, I’m surviving. I get tired and grumpy. Basically, the less attractive side of my personality blossoms (cringey flashback to me storming outside to the car one morning while shouting, “Whether you lot are ready or not, I’m not going to be late to work again, so I’m leaving right now!” with said young “lot” screaming for fear of being left behind. Deep breath). I’m really hoping I’m not alone in this regard.

After a relaxing summer break, this is the perfect time to reflect on the family schedule and be a little bit strategic about the busy-ness. Scaling back gives more breathing space, and a better chance to connect with our kids.

Easier said than done? Here are a few thoughts around how this might work.

Practise saying no: Saying “I’ll think about that and get back to you” is a great approach when you’re requested to sign up, volunteer, join a club, or take on the netball team treasurer role. This gives you time to truly reflect on whether the opportunity is the right fit for your schedule and something you really want to give up your spare time for.

Less is more: Be realistic about how many extra-curricular activities your kids can do. Maybe just one extra thing per child, per term is the reasonable (and manageable!) way forward for your family. Our kids can be involved in the decision-making process around what activities or sports to do, so they can practise weighing up options, making wise choices, and following through on commitments. Lifelong learnings right there!

Stay local, stay together: Look at ways to streamline activities – choosing the local option to reduce travel time or getting your kids to try the same activity at once (I’ve got both my kids at the same surf school programme and signed them up for soccer on the same day, which knocks it out in the same session! Winning!).

Put up some fences: Put some boundaries in place to protect family and home time. Unscheduled time at home to simply hang out as a family unit is gold, so consider how much of this you would ideally like to have as the norm for your family this year, and block it out on the calendar. (It will probably be an ideal goal, and not always achievable depending on circumstances, but something to aim for nonetheless!)

Talk about the plan: If busy-ness has been part of your typical family style for some time, talking about expectations will help prevent disappointment. Talk to your whānau about your new plan, so the kids know they’re not going to be out every day after school, that only one playdate
a week (or month!) will be happening, and that sleepovers are a special treat and not a regular fixture, for example.

Enlist the team: Depending on age and stage, think about what extra household chores your kids can take on this year to help take the load off yourself while also upskilling them and training them to play their part in the family unit and feel good about their contribution. Slowly introduce age-appropriate chores, and you’ll need to lend a hand while they develop the skill. So far my 8- and 12-year-old’s lists include things like unpacking the dishwasher, putting pyjamas away and making beds (very badly), helping fold washing (getting better), making lunches and vacuuming (pretty good). My older child is keen to cook and while I’ll admit it’s a LOT easier and faster when I do it myself, I realise that if I don’t give him the opportunity, how will he learn? So far he’s mastered spaghetti bolognese and homemade pizza, so we’ll work to expand the menu this year. Short-term pain, long-term gain, I keep telling myself. (If you can’t already tell, patience isn’t my top virtue.) 

parentingplace.nz