Where the boys aren’t
The Hits radio personality Lauren Mabbett is single and ready to mingle… But where are all the men?
Calling all singles in the Bay of Plenty! We're putting on a speed-dating night!"
What joy I felt reading those words as a single 30 *mumble* year old gal in the Bay of Plenty. I moved back here from living in Auckland and Wellington a couple of years ago and fairly quickly noticed the lack of 30-something single guys or even meetup-style events. So when a local bar started promoting their speed-dating evening, myself and a few of my single girlfriends were rapt. Finally! A chance to meet potential dates face-to-face and not via a dating app. As tempting as those photos of dudes holding up a fish or a dead deer are, or the profiles that solely consisted of a pic of some cash spread out on a bed (cool that you've got $180, go you!), it just wasn't working out for me.
Two days before the speed-dating night, the bar organising it posted on Instagram: “Apologies ladies, due to the lack of interest from males we've had to cancel the speed-dating night.”
You could hear the resounding heavy sigh from women across the Bay. My point had been proven.
And it's not for lack of trying. Many nights my friends and I will go out and try and meet someone the good old-fashioned way – getting on the piss at a pub. However, a quick scan of the room usually results in disappointment. Groups of men old enough to be my dad, young enough to be my children, or all sporting those bloody wedding rings.
In the two years I've been back in Tauranga, I've been on one date. I met a guy from Tinder at a bar in town and straightaway realised he didn't look at all like his photos. His profile said he was 36 but he informed me in person he was 45 and didn't know how to change his age on the app (side note: If you can't figure out how to type in your own birthday, that's a bit of a red flag in itself). He then proceeded to spend our whole date talking about how much he hates the government and “Cindy”, all the while continuously calling me “chickadee”.
On the way home, while sitting on Cameron Road for 45 damn minutes, I thought to myself, “Even though I'm single, if the right guy for me isn't out there right now, there's no point pushing it. I have friends in other cities who will end up dating the wrong person for the sake of not being alone. They're not happy, but they believe they're happier than they would be being single.”
As the great Robin Williams once said, “I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.”
As nice as it would be to at least be able to go on a few promising dates, being single certainly has its upsides. I have so much time for my good friends and family, I get to wake up and start my day exactly the way I want to, I can travel without having to work around anyone else, and I don't need to bother changing the second pillow case on my bed (apart from when it's covered in cat fur). Seriously, though, it's given me heaps of time to focus on myself which I haven't taken for granted. I've been filling my evenings doing standup comedy, hosting pub quizzes or going out for lovely dinners with friends. And if among all that I have no plans, there's something quite enjoyable about hibernating at home, ordering Uber Eats and catching up on White Lotus. Perhaps opening a bottle of wine too.
If you're single and over 30 in Tauranga, first of all, call me! Secondly, embrace it. Make each day your own and enjoy it. And if you get really desperate, I know a guy who has $180.
Listen to Lauren weekdays 9am to 3pm on The Hits 95.0FM.