Live in the now

Lauren Mabbett ponders whether it’s a midlife crisis that drove her to getting a tattoo for the first time at 38, or is it her insatiable zest for life? Perhaps just a questionable obsession with Wayne’s World.

According to Google, 40 through 60 are the years we are likely to suffer a midlife crisis, but I've never been one to follow the crowd, so I think I'm gonna have one at 38.

As I watch my fellow 38ers meet their partner, buy a house, get married or have kids, I go and book myself in for my first ever tattoo.

Tossing around ideas with a friend after three too many glasses of wine (the way only the best ideas are created, right?) I message my tattoo artist buddy and lock in an appointment for the following Friday. 

“What did you want to get?” she asks.

Of course most people get something incredibly significant or heartfelt; a date of birth, a symbol that means a lot, the name of a family member...

“Wayne from Wayne's World,” I reply.

Oh great, is this a midlife crisis? Probably, although the fact I still drive around with my CD wallet on the floor of my car suggests maybe I never grew up in the first place.

Look, in my defence, I’ve loved this movie since its release in ‘92. I've dressed up as Wayne for many a dress-up party, I have the cups and the t-shirts, I’ve visited every possible filming location as well as detouring my two last American roadies to include Aurora, Illinois where it’s set, and Delaware – the butt of a joke during the movie. When it comes to getting something on my body that’s gonna be there forever, it was only right. If anything I should be happy I didn't cave during the tramp stamp era.

I think subconsciously the changes began earlier this year, when I thought back to how 20-year-old me would spend the weekend drumming in a rock band at bars, with dyed black hair, feeling so cool, and here I was spending the weekend pushing back my cuticles and having a slice at the garden centre café.

So far this year I’ve dyed my hair black again and bought an electric drum kit. Not sure I'm feeling cool enough yet though, hence the tattoo. 

I've noticed myself increasingly referencing “the good old days” of the Strand in Tauranga. 

Remember when you’d don your “jeans and a nice top” then head out to Krazy Jacks, Grumpy Mole, and Bahama Hut? You wanted to go to Beach Street but it was such a long walk all the way up Devonport Road so you ended up at Harringtons instead. Sigh.

It was a fun, carefree time where, instead of cutting out dairy and nightshades because your nearly 40-year-old tummy doesn't like them anymore, you ate that dirty 3am pie from Snackarama and bloody loved it. (Still can't figure out why we all have gut issues now.)

The amount of tasks we need to accomplish to feel like we aren't disgusting as we get older is ridiculous. Creams and serums, beauty appointments, tweezing and shaving areas that didn't previously have hair encroaching on them.

In our 20s we could bang on some cargo pants and an army singlet, wipe your face with some Dream Matte Mousse and leave the house looking gorgeous for the day. During my 30s, every year I’ve had to add another ingredient to my face to make it look somewhat acceptable. I’ve given laser companies hundreds of dollars to make me look like a hairless cat, and I’ve had more cameras inside me than the Love Island villa.

Growing old is a part of life, of course, but as cliché as it sounds, you're only as old as you feel. As I drive around cranking my Killing Heidi CD, I think to myself: Physically I’m 38, but mentally I’m 23 (despite increasingly discovering a new line on my face that I swear wasn’t there yesterday).

So get that tattoo, wear those jeans and a nice top, and party on.

Listen to Lauren weekdays 9am to 3pm on The Hits 95.0FM. 

Where the boys aren’t

The Hits radio personality Lauren Mabbett is single and ready to mingle… But where are all the men?

Calling all singles in the Bay of Plenty! We're putting on a speed-dating night!"

What joy I felt reading those words as a single 30 *mumble* year old gal in the Bay of Plenty. I moved back here from living in Auckland and Wellington a couple of years ago and fairly quickly noticed the lack of 30-something single guys or even meetup-style events. So when a local bar started promoting their speed-dating evening, myself and a few of my single girlfriends were rapt. Finally! A chance to meet potential dates face-to-face and not via a dating app. As tempting as those photos of dudes holding up a fish or a dead deer are, or the profiles that solely consisted of a pic of some cash spread out on a bed (cool that you've got $180, go you!), it just wasn't working out for me.

Two days before the speed-dating night, the bar organising it posted on Instagram: “Apologies ladies, due to the lack of interest from males we've had to cancel the speed-dating night.” 

You could hear the resounding heavy sigh from women across the Bay. My point had been proven.

And it's not for lack of trying. Many nights my friends and I will go out and try and meet someone the good old-fashioned way – getting on the piss at a pub. However, a quick scan of the room usually results in disappointment. Groups of men old enough to be my dad, young enough to be my children, or all sporting those bloody wedding rings.

In the two years I've been back in Tauranga, I've been on one date. I met a guy from Tinder at a bar in town and straightaway realised he didn't look at all like his photos. His profile said he was 36 but he informed me in person he was 45 and didn't know how to change his age on the app (side note: If you can't figure out how to type in your own birthday, that's a bit of a red flag in itself). He then proceeded to spend our whole date talking about how much he hates the government and “Cindy”, all the while continuously calling me “chickadee”.

On the way home, while sitting on Cameron Road for 45 damn minutes, I thought to myself, “Even though I'm single, if the right guy for me isn't out there right now, there's no point pushing it. I have friends in other cities who will end up dating the wrong person for the sake of not being alone. They're not happy, but they believe they're happier than they would be being single.”

As the great Robin Williams once said, “I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.”

As nice as it would be to at least be able to go on a few promising dates, being single certainly has its upsides. I have so much time for my good friends and family, I get to wake up and start my day exactly the way I want to, I can travel without having to work around anyone else, and I don't need to bother changing the second pillow case on my bed (apart from when it's covered in cat fur). Seriously, though, it's given me heaps of time to focus on myself which I haven't taken for granted. I've been filling my evenings doing standup comedy, hosting pub quizzes or going out for lovely dinners with friends. And if among all that I have no plans, there's something quite enjoyable about hibernating at home, ordering Uber Eats and catching up on White Lotus. Perhaps opening a bottle of wine too.

If you're single and over 30 in Tauranga, first of all, call me! Secondly, embrace it. Make each day your own and enjoy it. And if you get really desperate, I know a guy who has $180.

Listen to Lauren weekdays 9am to 3pm on The Hits 95.0FM. 

Lauren Mabbett

10 things you didn’t know about… Lauren Mabbett. Newsreader, comedienne, drummer, plane aficionado, Backstreet Boys fangirl, and she worked at Alcatraz – we hope The Hits radio personality Lauren Mabbett has an opening for a new best friend, because we want that job.

Words Carly Gibbs / Photo supplied

Lauren is The Hits day show announcer for the Bay of Plenty (9am-3pm on 95.0FM). Born and bred in Tauranga, she started her radio career in the Bay, before working on air in Auckland and Wellington and returning home late last year to take up her current dream role. 

1. I have a weird obsession with America. 

Growing up seeing America on TV, that’s what I thought life was – living on Full House in a San Francisco townhouse. I’ve visited about 30 of America’s 50 states and want to tick them all off. When I was 27, I spent a year living in San Francisco and worked at Alcatraz Federal Penitentiary. My job was to be on the landing giving out tickets, but once a week I would go out to Alcatraz Island and welcome guests. People have ghost stories about Alcatraz (which closed in 1963 and is now a museum), but I didn’t get any weird vibes. 
2. I was twice a guest on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. I was at broadcasting school in 2009 when my two roommates and I made YouTube videos about how we wanted to raise money to go to America for a holiday. Within a week, someone at The Ellen DeGeneres Show had found the videos and contacted us. Then it snowballed. Ellen called us live on air telling us she was flying us over. We had VIP treatment: Picked up from the airport in a limo, tickets to Disneyland, a baseball game, and they surprised us by putting us on the show, where we met fellow guest and Friends actor Matthew Perry. We were doing a tour of Warner Bros Studio and unbeknown to us, everyone in the audience had been watching us before we were led on set. Ellen was lovely. Very tiny. I remember hugging her and thinking “Oh, I’m going to break you.” We stayed in the presidential suite of the Bonaventure Hotel in LA, where we occupied half of one tower. You could stand at one end of our apartment and yell and the person at the other end couldn't hear you. It was insane. A whirlwind. We appeared on the show a second time at the end of our trip for a recap. It’s a claim to fame that I don't think I’ll ever beat.

3. I used to be a full-time drummer. 

I was 12 when I started playing the drums. I was in a few original, metal bands, but the one where I got paid (in my early 20s) was the cover band Budokan. We’d play at Krazy Jacks, Cornerstone, Crown & Badger. It was such a different life because my gigs would start at 11pm and now I’m in bed at 9.30pm. Other fun facts: I’m left-handed but I play right-handed. I love drumming to Nickelback and Creed and I do a bit of air drumming to some of The Hits songs. I have a drum kit set up at my house but it’s hard to find the time to play. I’m also conscious of the people around me. It’s literally the most annoying instrument. It’s loud, and huge to transport. Whenever my mum was helping me carry out my gear she’d say, “Why didn’t you play the harmonica?”

4. I do stand-up comedy. 

I was doing it for about six years, two or three times a week when I lived in Auckland, and got paid for it. I’ve done a little bit here in the Bay at The Hop House. I met my boyfriend at the time through comedy and many friends. I’ve fallen away from comedy in recent years. It takes so much brain power. You feel like you should always be editing and writing more, and making it better. I never felt like I could just relax.

5. I’ve never burped. 

When I tell people that they’re like “Why don’t you try drinking a Coke?” Do you think I’ve never had a Coke in my 36 years? I have met a few people that can’t burp so I know I’m not alone. And no, it doesn’t mean you fart more. 

6. I am a fluent mirror writer. 

When I was in preschool, I would mirror my name on my art. So, then I had to learn to write forwards. Even now, I can still very fluently write a reflective paragraph. I can sign my name backwards. 

7. I have a ginger rescue cat called Oscar. 

When I lived in Auckland, I wasn’t allowed a cat at my flat, but he rocked up at our door with a big gash on his neck. I tried to find his owners on community pages – I didn’t want to encourage him, but it was the middle of winter. After a week, I put a box outside with a towel in it. I came out in the morning and he was sleeping in it, in a ball. I was going to take him to the SPCA, but my flatmate suggested we sneakily keep him. So, I adopted him, or he adopted me. He moved with me to my next house, and then I had to move to Wellington, so I gave him to my parents in Tauranga. It’s worked out well, because now I’m back here, I can visit him and he remembers me. He’s so affectionate and a real people’s cat. He’s literally another family member. 

8. I won the funniest Twitter award at the New Zealand Comedy Guild Awards. 

I think there’s a bit of my stand-up comedy coming through my Twitter. I’ve got 2,300 followers (@laurenmabbett), which isn’t that much, but I think I write quite relatable tweets. My pinned tweet is: “In New Zealand, you have to say ‘Just these, thanks’ as you place your items on the counter, otherwise they’ll not serve you and assume that you’re acquiring many more items.” To win that award was a cool acknowledgement. It’s so fun. 

9. I’m obsessed with Wayne’s World and Backstreet Boys.

I've watched Wayne’s World hundreds of times. When I was in the States, it happened to be the film’s 20th anniversary. I was in San Francisco and I caught a bus to LA for the reunion. The tickets were $10 to be in a theatre with Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Rob Lowe, Tia Carrere, Lorne Michaels (producer), and Penelope Spheeris (director). They did a Q&A and then we all watched the movie together. I have Wayne’s World T-shirts, mugs... It’s quite sad. Ha, ha. 

With Backstreet Boys, I’ve seen them both times they’ve come to New Zealand, and I’ve got tickets for next year when they come here. I’m going to be right up the front crying my eyes out. I used to do the dances in my room so I know all the moves. I won’t do them at the concert. Maybe after a couple of wines. Howie was my favourite Backstreet Boy, and my fangirling over them is kind of ideal because we do play Backstreet Boys a lot on the Hits. 

10. I love planes.

I’ll go to the airport and sit and watch planes all day. I have a flight radar on my phone. It’s not so great here in the Bay of Plenty – you see one come in from Wellington and that’s it for the day – but in Auckland, I’d sit in the observation deck and watch the jets. Me flying as a passenger, however, is a different story. You don’t want to sit next to me. “Are we good? Can you smell that? What was that noise?” Sweating, gripping. I just like seeing them. I’d happily work on the runway as a landing signal officer. The Airbus A380 – how does something that huge gracefully take off and land? They’re fascinating pieces of machinery.

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