Working in the magic

Balancing career
and family shouldn’t be a quest for perfection – it’s about crafting intentional connections.

words Ellie Gwilliam from Parenting Place

Adisclaimer right up front – all parents work. Paid or otherwise, parents work 24/7. This article is written with the parents in mind who have kids home from school and employment commitments to juggle at the same time. Annual leave only stretches so far and it can feel like the end of school term comes around with alarming frequency. The kids are on holiday, but you're very much not.

School holidays are great, don’t get us wrong. Less rush, more PJs, no school lunchboxes. School holidays can mean a chance for a getaway, an adventure, a road trip or simply checking out local attractions. But, in families where parents have to work right through the break, school holidays can feel a bit tense. Parents may feel thinly spread across work and home, kids may feel bored and disconnected.

There’s no magic pill for this. The work/life balance is a complex thing for families to navigate and some days it all works better than others. Encouragingly, there are huge benefits in making the most of even small moments of connection. Kids love quality time with their parents and yes, spending entire days together would be wonderful, but the good news is that shorter periods of a parent’s focused attention still do a child a world of good.

If you’re trying to meet the demands of both your boss and your kids and feeling pulled in all directions these holidays, here are five simple ideas for fitting in whānau connection:

1. Make the most of mealtimes

If you’re working from home, schedule long lunch breaks with your kids and take some time-out together. If you’ve got older kids with some kitchen skills, maybe they could even be in charge of preparing your lunch, setting the table and waiting on you (it’s worth a shot anyway). If you’re out at the office all day, aim to make dinner a bit more special than usual. Maybe the kids could plan some menus for the week and decorate the table. You could even have a themed dinner or two, complete with costumes and ‘international’ cuisine (sushi totally counts, as does pizza).

2. Something special in the evenings

Lots of after-school activities are on pause for the holidays, which hopefully means less parental taxi driving and more whānau time in the evenings. Book in some special activities that give everyone something to look forward to at the end of the day.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Board game night

Movie night

Bowling night

A post-dinner dessert mission for ice cream sundaes

Toasting marshmallows under the stars

Family slumber party in the lounge

Talent show

Kahoot quiz night with another family

Lego Masters challenge

Paper bag challenge (put a set of craft supplies in a paper bag for each kid and issue them a challenge, e.g. longest paper chain, fastest cardboard car, scrap paper collage self-portrait).

Reading aloud a chapter book.

3. Go big in the weekends

If at all possible, plan some adventures for the weekends (or your rostered days off) for something fresh to look forward to. And adventures don’t have to be elaborate or expensive – local and simple can be just as memorable. 

4. Puzzles and projects

Spread a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle out on the dining table and chip away at it together over the holidays. Puzzles are a great point for connection, and something you can come and go to as time allows. Likewise, maybe there’s a craft project or kitset model lurking at the back of the cupboard that no one’s had time to get started – something that you can work on together in the evenings without pressure. Creativity is such a great outlet for work stress too, so long as we dial up the fun and dial down the expectations. (Trying to follow pages of tiny instructions and find the corresponding pieces from 1A to 5000B may not be your family’s idea of fun – it’s okay to face facts here!) Outdoor projects can work wonders for connection too. Maybe there’s some gardening or landscaping you could tackle with your kids after work each evening, or some fence painting to tick off together in the weekend. 

5. Start a new tradition

Traditions and rituals offer so much in terms of family connection and speak volumes of our kids’ sense of identity and belonging. You may already have some traditions in place, like visiting out-of-town cousins at certain times of the year or a dinner party with friends to celebrate the end of term. Whatever matters to your family, make a tradition of it and you’ll be surprised the value your kids will place on the fact that “In our family, every holidays we... go to the zoo/buy a new board game/help Grandad tidy his shed/sort our wardrobes and have a fashion parade/take a load of things we no longer need to the op shop/bake cookies for the neighbours/do a massive jigsaw/plan our summer camping trip/help at the marae working bee/read a new book together/watch Star Wars/have a themed dinner party/make a stop-motion video/climb our local mountain/eat ice cream at the beach...“ 

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Rediscover Rotorua

This family-friendly geothermal wonderland just keeps getting better.

words Stephanie Taylor

Growing up, I spent a lot of time in Rotorua with my family trout fishing and boating from the old Ohau Channel campground, before it was developed into a resort.

Luckily for my brother and I, our parents then went on to buy an old bach in Ngongotahā so we could keep the lake dream alive. Our love of the area only continued to evolve, with both of us taking up white water kayaking at high school and paddling the Kaituna River regularly.

It was all pretty idyllic, so unsurprisingly my partner Jeff and I jumped at the chance to take our own kids to Rotorua on holiday recently. But at two and four years old, we knew the trip would probably look a little different to my childhood adventures. With throwing them off a sea biscuit not yet an option, we took the chance to experience some of the area’s more wholesome, age-appropriate activities. Coupled with beautiful scenery and incredible hospitality, this city smashes tourism out of the water – for overseas visitors and Bay locals alike.

STAY

With 48 hours to spend in the city, Jeff, Donovan, Daphne and I stayed central at the Millennium Hotel Rotorua. Overlooking the steamy, geothermal end of Lake Rotorua, our rooms felt suspended over the incredible natural surroundings Rotorua is famous for. Our toddlers are morning people, which meant we were all lucky enough to watch the sunrise over the lake creating beautiful, changing scenes through the steam. One of nature’s shows that photos just don’t do justice.

The hotel location is right on the edge of the city centre within a brief stroll to some of our excursions. Free onsite parking, comfortable adjoining rooms, and a lush internal native garden to explore on the way to the breakfast buffet were some of our favourite family-friendly features. Special mention to the bottomless drip coffee at breakfast, and the friendly faces serving it!

Skyline Luge

EAT

Jeff and I were equal parts anxious and excited about this portion of the weekend. Managing our son Donny’s multiple food allergies had meant we’d never been confident enough to eat out as a family before. However, contacting restaurants in advance made us feel ready to finally give it a crack.

Pig & Whistle Historic Pub

Local landmark and crowdpleaser the Pig & Whistle was our first stop for dinner. Being a Friday, we really enjoyed being part of the lively pub atmosphere while still having enough room to move around the table and talk over the music. Seated fireside, Jeff and I enjoyed a selection of the not-so-small plates washed down with a couple of tap beers, while the kids happily devoured their first ever restaurant meals of steak, rice and veges. The amazing wait staff kept checking in on us and made it fun for everyone.

Capers Cafe + Store

Under the same ownership, Capers conveniently had the same chef on shift for our next night, meaning the kids’ dinners were pre-planned and again ran smoothly. In between eating they enjoyed watching a movie in the kids’ room, and with our table positioned just outside Jeff and I were able to enjoy our meals with a side of adult conversation. My nourishing Salmon Poke Bowl was cooked to utter perfection, and Capers’ extensive selection of desserts proved so tempting that slices of Biscoff Cheesecake and their famous Chocolate Mudcake may have made it back to the hotel with us.

Stratosfare Restaurant & Bar

Spoilt for choice once more, the incredible array of freshly prepared food at Stratosfare’s buffet lunch was seriously to die for. Jeff lived the dream and managed to eat his bodyweight in seafood, and we were personally visited by head chef Dan to ensure Donny’s needs were met. With stunning panoramic views of Lake Rotorua from our table and full puku, it was hard to leave, but with kids champing at the bit to get lugeing we eventually tore ourselves away.

Okere Falls Store

Even though our epic escape was coming to an end, I was excited for lunch on the way home at a personal favourite – the Okere Falls Store. Daphne and Don made fast friends to explore the beer garden with, while Jeff and I chatted with locals over a yummy Avo Smash and Grilled Cheese Toastie. With its outdoorsy, community feel, we could have very easily settled in for the afternoon, especially with the largest selection of craft beers in Rotorua on offer.

Rotorua Duck Tours

PLAY

Skyline Rotorua

Luge riding has definitely gone up a notch since my last rodeo! With lit up tunnels, branching tracks and towering dinosaurs, three runs on the Skyline Rotorua Luge went by super fast and left us wanting more. These days there are five tracks and two chairlift lines – which also meant lines were never long, even on a busy Saturday. We were surprised that even two-year-old Daphne absolutely loved it, and neither kids were scared at any point including on the gondola rides – another highlight for spotting rabbits, deer and impressive downhill mountain bikers.

Redwoods Nightlights

Daphne was, however, a little dubious at the Redwoods Nightlights, unfortunately. The suspended bridges moving underfoot weren’t her cup of tea, so while the boys took to the heights Daph and I enjoyed the atmosphere from down below. Which was actually really fun in itself, like being at Disneyland at night time. With sounds and voices all around, there was a cool 3D projection to watch while we waited for the boys, who returned with stories of incredible illuminations amongst the stunning redwoods. We’ll definitely be back once Daphne’s a bit older.

aMAZE me

Polynesian Spa

As a long time visitor of the Polynesian Spa, but first timer in the family pool, I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it. At 33 degrees, the supervised large pool features a small hydroslide, a shallow toddler section and a deep end. There’s a couple of small hot pools too, but the temperature of the main pool was all we needed for a fun family splash. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good hot swim as much as the next person. But getting drained of energy when you’ve got toddlers is not a vibe.

Rotorua Duck Tours

Speaking of relaxation, Rotorua Duck Tours lulled both kids to sleep at different points. The ex-military trucks are pretty bumpy and loud, creating ideal napping conditions. But with tour guide Olly cracking corny jokes and fact dropping at any given opportunity, Jeff and I were thoroughly entertained throughout and enjoyed learning about the area from a tourist’s perspective. And what better way to sightsee in a lake region than from a WW2 amphibious vehicle? It took us around the Rotorua lakefront, and out and on to the Blue Lake as well as Lake Ōkāreka.

Agrodome Farm Show and aMAZEme

We spent our final morning in Rotorua at the legendary Agrodome Farm Show and aMAZEme, both of which are really suited to young families. What kid doesn’t love a farm animal? Especially when there’s multiple bustling about on stage, and plenty of opportunities to touch and interact with them. Both attractions had amazing play areas for kids and we could have spent an entire day between the two. Thanks to Donny and I, some members of the family managed to complete the maze successfully while others didn’t quite have the patience.

Surviving or thriving

The Parenting Place’s Holly-Jean Brooker gives tips for getting through the
busy-ness of the school year.

After any school holidays, shifting head space from pyjama days to lunchboxes, homework, and after-school activities can be quite the brain reset, and it’s easy to throw ourselves neck-deep in after-school commitments and unintentionally overload everyone.

I always have good intentions about slowing down the pace and committing to less, but I’m not always the best at implementation. And when I’m over-stretched, I’m not thriving, I’m surviving. I get tired and grumpy. Basically, the less attractive side of my personality blossoms (cringey flashback to me storming outside to the car one morning while shouting, “Whether you lot are ready or not, I’m not going to be late to work again, so I’m leaving right now!” with said young “lot” screaming for fear of being left behind. Deep breath). I’m really hoping I’m not alone in this regard.

After a relaxing summer break, this is the perfect time to reflect on the family schedule and be a little bit strategic about the busy-ness. Scaling back gives more breathing space, and a better chance to connect with our kids.

Easier said than done? Here are a few thoughts around how this might work.

Practise saying no: Saying “I’ll think about that and get back to you” is a great approach when you’re requested to sign up, volunteer, join a club, or take on the netball team treasurer role. This gives you time to truly reflect on whether the opportunity is the right fit for your schedule and something you really want to give up your spare time for.

Less is more: Be realistic about how many extra-curricular activities your kids can do. Maybe just one extra thing per child, per term is the reasonable (and manageable!) way forward for your family. Our kids can be involved in the decision-making process around what activities or sports to do, so they can practise weighing up options, making wise choices, and following through on commitments. Lifelong learnings right there!

Stay local, stay together: Look at ways to streamline activities – choosing the local option to reduce travel time or getting your kids to try the same activity at once (I’ve got both my kids at the same surf school programme and signed them up for soccer on the same day, which knocks it out in the same session! Winning!).

Put up some fences: Put some boundaries in place to protect family and home time. Unscheduled time at home to simply hang out as a family unit is gold, so consider how much of this you would ideally like to have as the norm for your family this year, and block it out on the calendar. (It will probably be an ideal goal, and not always achievable depending on circumstances, but something to aim for nonetheless!)

Talk about the plan: If busy-ness has been part of your typical family style for some time, talking about expectations will help prevent disappointment. Talk to your whānau about your new plan, so the kids know they’re not going to be out every day after school, that only one playdate
a week (or month!) will be happening, and that sleepovers are a special treat and not a regular fixture, for example.

Enlist the team: Depending on age and stage, think about what extra household chores your kids can take on this year to help take the load off yourself while also upskilling them and training them to play their part in the family unit and feel good about their contribution. Slowly introduce age-appropriate chores, and you’ll need to lend a hand while they develop the skill. So far my 8- and 12-year-old’s lists include things like unpacking the dishwasher, putting pyjamas away and making beds (very badly), helping fold washing (getting better), making lunches and vacuuming (pretty good). My older child is keen to cook and while I’ll admit it’s a LOT easier and faster when I do it myself, I realise that if I don’t give him the opportunity, how will he learn? So far he’s mastered spaghetti bolognese and homemade pizza, so we’ll work to expand the menu this year. Short-term pain, long-term gain, I keep telling myself. (If you can’t already tell, patience isn’t my top virtue.) 

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